


Fifty

by ChildishSadism



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, i think, sad shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-17
Updated: 2014-06-17
Packaged: 2018-02-05 00:30:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1798885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChildishSadism/pseuds/ChildishSadism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fifty minutes is all he had at first, all the happiness he could achieve. He only wanted to see him, he only wanted him to love him. It wasn't his fault, it never was, that people couldn't see what was in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifty

**Author's Note:**

> I somehow ran out of pepsi, this makes me really sad.
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes, I didn't have anyone beta this. I'm lame.

He sat on the same seat every day, the third one on the second row. He always looked sleepy, his half lidded eyes staring at the papers in front of him. He was tired, probably from being awake until late doing god knows what. He showered that morning, his hair was still slightly damp and his skin looked clean. The clothes he was wearing were slightly wrinkled, the T-shirt was probably a bit filthy too and his skinny jeans had some paint stains on them. He looked up from the papers to look at the board, writing down everything he could see. The handwriting was messy and quick, he probably could write faster than he could think, it could explain the chicken scratches on his notebook.

Eren Jaeger was a junior and he had the prettiest smile in the whole school, that's how Levi saw it. The pretty little thing Levi would stare at when he wasn't looking. The student that was always trying a bit harder than the rest, even if he didn't achieve what he wanted. He was simple yet complicated, he was nice and social but awkward and distant. He was in Levi's history class and he was one of the few that payed attention, even if he looked like he was falling asleep and even if he did a couple of times. He tried.

And Levi, Levi was completely and absolutely in loved with him.

It was a simple thing, a simple fact, how could he not. How could he not? It was Eren, how could he not fall in love with him. It was the boy he fell in love with, it was the person he felt he had waited for. It was somewhat sad, maybe disturbing. Eren was fifteen and Levi was his teacher. He would welcome him every morning at eleven ten in the morning, and he would wave him good bye at twelve. He was only able to see him during that time. Only those fifty minutes. Nothing more and nothing else. Levi's life revolved around fifty minutes of his day. It was what brought him happiness and sadness. It was what stirred memories in him and what made him cry at night.

It was those eyes.

Levi couldn't stop staring at him when Eren spoke in class and he could see those eyes. How much they shone and how they were framed by dark raven hair that made such a pretty contrast against the golden orbs that blinked with curiosity, happiness, sadness or anger. It was hypnotizing, an addiction and maybe even toxic. It was slowly poisoning him, slowly making him crack and little by little he started to wish to be the only one that could stare at those eyes, the only one that those eyes would admire.

Sickening. The whole thing was sickening but as the days passed by, Levi couldn't bring himself to care anymore. Maybe he stopped caring too much, he stopped socializing much, he stopped talking to most of his friends. He felt sick, maybe a bit disgusted. Isolation is what he deserved and isolation is what he enjoyed. It wasn't just about the boy, no, he couldn't bring himself to drag anyone else into this. To force everyone to live through his pain, to make them think like he was thinking. To see what he could see. Levi was alone and the only thing that made his day better, the only thing that made him smile were those bright eyes.

For fifty minutes, he was happy.

Levi had a little home, a little apartment. He kept it clean and kept what he cared the most about there. He had a picture of Eren he took from the book year and that made him happy. He didn't need a big house and he didn't need something too special. He was simple, and that's the way he wanted his life to be. He have had an odd mother and an odd father. He couldn't remember if he hated them or not, but sometimes when he was asleep, he would cry remembering. Maybe they weren't so nice, maybe they weren't so kind. Maybe the scars on his body were what reminded him that he had a good life now, that he was happy and content now. It could be worst, it could had been like it was back then but no more, not anymore.

He was content but not so much. Sometimes being a teacher was hard, it was hard when he could hardly get out of bed, when his feet felt too heavy and he sat there, staring at the clock knowing that time was passing by but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was like his body was led, like if he was at the bottom of the ocean drowning. He was sad, he was desperate, he wanted to scream and to tear on his hair until he was bleeding, until he was in so much pain he could feel alive again. But he didn't, he couldn't do it and he couldn't do it because if he did that then he wouldn't be able to go to school and to teach his class.

He would miss his fifty minutes.

It was hard to move, it was hard to feel. But as soon as he set foot in his school he changed for the better, or maybe for the worst. If he stayed home he was going to die soon, and his putrid thoughts and his disgusting feelings could go away but he couldn't bring himself to do that, no, not now, not when he could be happy for a short amount of time.

It wasn't like he was a likable teacher, most students hated him but respected him. Nobody truly wanted him there, so many changed from his class and would report him from being too strict. Too rude and weird. Eren never did that though and he never complained when he was mean to him for doing something wrong. He would tremble a bit and nod his head, and he would look guilty. The golden orbs were so pretty when he looked guilty, he looked so cute and so pretty. Levi wanted to reach and touch him, to touch his face, to touch his hair and to touch his eyes, to yank them out and to hug his body as it bleed. He wanted to do so many things but he couldn't, he wouldn't.

He was happy. He was happy with Eren right now, he was happy when he could hear him reading the lecture, asking questions and laughing at his bad jokes.

How sad and pathetic could he be, chasing someone that wasn't going to look at him anymore, that wasn't going to smile for him, laugh with him or sleep next to him. All of it, all of those thoughts were nothing but Levi's wishful thinking. The little things he would think of during the day, during his ride home and during the night. He would smile to himself, making up his own little world in his own little home.

It hurt.

It hurt him a lot and he was destroying himself, slowly torturing his mind and crushing his soul. He needed to stop and he knew it, he knew he had to but he couldn't. The burning on his chest, the uplifting of his spirit when he saw him, when he was near him. It was so warm, it was so pleasant and it made him so happy. Why couldn't he have this? Despite all of his misery, all of his suffering, why couldn't he just have this, why couldn't he make it a reality. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all and the reminder of his unfair life, his unlucky life and his despicable life, made him have nightmares at night.

He had bloody nightmares, nightmares with no explanation and no sense, but the knew those dreams and he could see Eren in them and he would smile because he could at least see him there. Even if the dreams were horrid, even if his brain was torturing him even further and making his insides twitch and his eyes sting with tears. He felt warm and content. If he could have that bit of happiness with all of that pain, he was willing to compromise.

He only wanted Eren to smile for him.

Tik tok, the clock was always present and Levi would glance at it every minute. He couldn't help himself but to look at it, to glance at it, to stare at it. Waiting for his time to run out, waiting for Eren to collect his things and to leave, to not come back until the next day. It was stressful, and it made his body feel like squirming. The knot in his throat was heavy but he forced himself to swallow it and to speak quietly to him, to say good bye and then the teen always smiled back at him.

Levi wanted to hold him, he wanted to possess him, he wanted to own him. He wanted to keep him for himself, he wanted nobody else to look at him...and when did his mind became so twisted, when did he stopped wish for that smile and instead wished to see those lips moan and scream. He wanted him, he wanted everything about him. It was his happiness, he was his happiness. How could he watch it walk away every day, how could he watch him talk to other people that wasn't him. How? Allowing such things only made the little strand of happiness that he had slip away slowly.

He was waiting for Eren every day, but Eren was never waiting to see him.

It was thoughts like that, which twisted his ideas. It made everything more complicated, laughable and disturbing. It wasn't like he wanted to hurt him, he didn't, he truly didn't. But he was tired and his body felt like it was draining and he couldn't sleep at night. The more he saw Eren, the more he spoke to him, the worst his night terrors would get. The more nightmares he had and the more he woke up screaming and kicking.

He sobbed and cried. He felt his heart aching and his energy slowly draining. He laid there, staring at the ceiling, noticing how dirty his little home was. How filthy it had been all this time, and how he not only had one picture of Eren but many more. The whole little home was covered in them and he wondered when he had done this, when had he gathered all of this and when did he started to steal his things.

Maybe he did it yesterday, or maybe he did it two days ago. Did it matter? They all belonged to him.

It ease his pain, to think about things this way. It belonged to him, all of these things belonged to him, he had the right, he was given the right. He was fighting, just like he had been told, just like he could hear at night. He was fighting for what was his, what belonged to him. It wasn't about what was fair or wasn't. It wasn't like that anymore, it was about him, about himself about doing what he needed to do.

He had suffered enough, right? The way his mother would treat him and beat him, the way his dad would scream and shake him up. The way everyone yelled and the way he made them shut up, the way he carved them up and then he ran away. He fought to be free, just like him. He wanted to be with him, to touch him again, to hug him.

It was a simple fact, Eren was his and Levi couldn't be apart from him anymore. He smiled, that sickening smile people said he had, the creepy stare everyone criticized and the way he acted. Everyone alienated him. He was too odd, too weird, maybe he was just born in the wrong time, maybe he was just born in a time where he didn't belong. In a time where people like him shouldn't be.

He saw Eren after school, he always walked home on his own. All of his friends had little things to do, all of them lived a bit far apart. He always had his headphones on, listening to his music and looking at his phone. He shouldn't walk on his own like this, obviously his family didn't treasure him enough, obviously his friends didn't want him enough. He wasn't even with his sister, the crazy bitch that would play sports after school. She was an odd one and how could she not be, she was like him and only Levi could see it and only she could see through him. Always glaring at him, always hissing at him.

It was okay though, everything was alright, because he could feel his hands reaching for what he wanted the most. He could feel his fingers touching the soft skin and then he held on tight. Struggling was so boring and drugging someone wasn't hard. Eren wasn't heavy, he was light and so soft, so cute. He nuzzle on him as he dragged him to his car, just thinking about him.

He was taking him home.

The little home would be perfect for them, they didn't need anything else, he didn't need anything else. Now that Eren was here, now that he could touch him, he was happy. He shouldn't have to chain him up, and he shouldn't have to gag him, but he couldn't help it. He didn't want to risk it. Specially when the teen woke up and began to struggle. Levi only snickered and watched him, sitting next to him with his fingers touching those soft cheeks, that tender flesh.

He wanted to kiss it and so he did. He kissed the soft skin, stroke it carefully and smiled against it. He licked it and tasted it. Cherished it and adored it. He loved the smell and he loved him. He couldn't have enough and he couldn't move away from him, he couldn't let go, he hugged him and he kissed him. He pet him and he cuddle him and for the first time in many years, Levi was able to sleep without nightmares, without blood, without pain.

It was so rough, taking care of Eren while working. It was so rough keeping him locked up and tied up but the teen wouldn't stop struggling and fighting. Levi wouldn't have wanted it any other way. It was exciting, it was endearing, it made him love him more. The way Eren's eyes would glow, the way he would fight and struggle and the way he would glare. It was so captivating.

He was toxic, addicting, too much for him. He wanted him, he needed him, he was going to keep him and he made sure to mark him. To kiss him and to touch him, to pull him near him to try to make him realize, to try to make him remember. He was his, Eren was his, he belonged to him, he was born for him. He smiled at his own ideas and he kissed him and he touched those soft legs, the tender thighs and he couldn't stop himself.

He couldn't stop and he wasn't going to stop.

Levi kept his little Eren, and he was going to keep him forever and every time Eren tried to run he would choke against the collar that was keeping him in place and all Levi had to do was to carry him back, to kiss him better to show him that his home was here and that he didn't have to run from him. He wasn't going to lose his happiness again, he wasn't going to forget it and he was going to show Eren, make him see that he was right, that this is where he belonged.

Levi was so happy, for more than fifty minutes he was happy and he kissed Eren good night and thanked him. He hugged him and pulled him near. He fucked him and tore him apart until he couldn't move. And he did it with a smile, to show how happy he was and he whispered to him, how much he loved him, how long he waited, how much he needed him, how happy he was. He couldn't stop telling him how much he loved him. He couldn't stop.

But as days went on Eren wouldn't stop fighting. It wasn't cute anymore, he should have known by now, he should have felt it, he should have been able to see it by now but no. He fought and he fought until Levi had to make him stop, until he had to stop him from kicking by hurting his legs, by twisting them and snapping them. It was going to be alright because Eren was going to forgive him, he was going to say that he loved him just like Levi had dreamed before, just like he could see it in his memory.

All that Levi needed was for Eren to love him again, to look at him with those happy eyes. He didn't like to hurt him, he didn't like to make him feel pain and he screamed and cried with him, because he wasn't as happy anymore. He couldn't be happy like this, he wanted Eren to love him, to love him like he did, to look at him with those eyes full of devotion and love. He needed it, and the need had his chest burning again and he couldn't move again and he was heavy again, except this time he could hug Eren, he could cling to him and hear his silent cries and feel his wet tears. He cried a lot, Eren did, and he looked so...delicate, so irresistible when he was like that.

Maybe if he tried to show him what he saw, if he tried to make him feel what he could feel,maybe Eren would know and so he talked to him at night. He told him all about his dreams, his adventures, his undying love and his devotion. He spared no details, he wanted Eren to see, for Eren to understand him, to show him everything that he couldn't see like Levi could. It was all in his head, and in his dreams and the tales were so unbelievable he had a hard time believing them himself but they were real. They were, he could see them like it was yesterday, but who he was now and who he had been, all of it was different. Eren was different but he was also here.

He wanted him to understand, because he loved him so much. He loved him so much it hurt, and it hurt him and it made him scream in pain as he told the tales. The suffering, the pain, the gore, it was too much. He chocked in his own tears and once he was done he smiled at him, with tears in his eyes he smiled and kissed his forehead and undid the gag, because Levi wanted to hear his voice, to hear is words, to hear the understanding words because Eren should know all of this because he was there, in each dream. He should know all of this.

"You are sick."

Those are the words he got in return and Levi could only stare. He could only stare as he felt something inside of him snapping. Something breaking forever, he felt tears on his cheeks and his vision was so blurry but he couldn't do anything but to smile, a twitchy crooked smile. The pain in his chest was over taking him, and it hurt so much even his fingers were getting numb. All of his being was in pain and as he touched the teen he felt his fingers flinching and his body crawled on top of his and he hugged Eren. He hugged him and smiled his broken smile, he kissed him as he struggle and cried. He watched Eren cry and tear up, he watched as those eyes begged and then his fingers wrapped around that slim neck.

Because this Eren couldn't remember, because this Eren wasn't his. It wasn't the Eren in his dreams,it wasn't the Eren in his memories, it wasn't the Eren that he loved. This Eren was another fake, and how many had he killed already? How many did he had to get rid of in order to see his Eren, to meet him again, to smile with him and to kiss him, to hold him and to love him? How many times did this have to happen, how many times had he dreamed of it. Each time he had to kill him and each time Eren couldn't remember him.

Eren couldn't remember Levi, but Levi could remember him. It was only too bad, so sad that he couldn't make him remember. Each time was a failure, and every single time Levi could feel himself breaking more and more, and he could feel his body and his mind twisting more and more. He chocked with his own tears and sobs, he kept his hold around that pretty neck, that slim neck and he kissed him. He kissed him over and over, feeling as he slowly died. He took him one more time, he played with him one more time and he kissed him again, holding onto his neck the whole time, moving inside of him as he held tightly. Because Eren belonged to him, but he wanted his own Eren back. He wanted to those pretty eyes to look at him with love, he wanted him to love him.

Maybe he was born in the wrong time once again, maybe next time he would be able to achieve his goal. Because every single time, Eren failed to fall in love with him, but Levi couldn't help himself but to fall in love with him over and over.

And as he hugged the corpse on his bed, as he clung to it and felt himself closing his eyes, he could only hope to wake up back in that castle, in that dungeon, next to the Eren he fell in love with.

**Author's Note:**

> I bought more pepsi, this makes me happy.


End file.
